Tuchas Af’n Tisch: My NBA Mock Draft – Part 1, The Lottery

I spend a lot of time ripping into people’s mock drafts. Probably way more time than I should, given that I have a fairly responsible job, but it makes me happy. But since this is true, I figure I should give everyone the opportunity to rip into my mock, in the interest of fairness.

Understand that this is very difficult for me to put out there, since it requires me to actually take a stand and tell the world who I like as players instead of just mocking them for their obviously shitty reasoning in liking who they like. Please note that I’m going to do this in two pieces, because I’m not feeling all that great and am too lazy to finish the whole round.

Without Further Ado…..(drum roll, please):

1) CLE: Joel Embiid – Because he’s the overall best prospect, plays a premium position, and could be really, really ridiculously good. Even the Cavs can’t fuck this one up.
2) MIL: Andrew Wiggins – Because he is the most likely to be a real legit superstar you can build a team around. He has that potential. When you suck as hard as the Bucks, that’s what you need.
3) PHL: Jabari Parker – Because God hates me. I can’t stand Parker, but he’s the Big Name left on the board, and even Sam Hinkie would be hard-pressed to pass him up at this point.
4) ORL: Marcus Smart – Best PG prospect out there. Terrible fit on PHL, because he’s exactly like Michael Carter-Williams, so the Magic get the guy who fills their biggest need and possibly the BPA (I don’t know….there are some really good guys still left on the board, but the people who like this guy are obsessed with him) at the same time. Cos, y’know, The Numbers Love Him!
5) UTA: Noah Vonleh – Nice player, nice fit with Derrick Favors, now that the Jazz brain trust has decided he’s a center, not a PF.
6) BOS: Aaron Gordon – Because, once again, God hates me.
7) LAL: Dante Exum – For the Good Of The League. The Lakers need a new, exciting young superstar to eventually replace Kobe. Exum has star potential, and the player he most frequently projects to? Yup. Kobe Bryant.
8) SAC: Nik Stauskas – Because the last thing the Kings need is yet another developmental power forward. A good shooting guard will do them a lot more good.
9) CHA: Doug McDermott – The most MJ pick of all. It’s inevitable. It’s…destiny.
10) PHL: Julius Randle – Sam Hinkie is clearly not afraid to draft an injured player with serious talent (see also: Noel, Nerlens). He wouldn’t be scared off by Randle’s foot injury. Questionable fit with Parker, particularly defensively, but probably way too talented to pass up on at this point.
11) DEN: Dario Saric – People love this guy. I mean love him. I’m not sure why. I get that he had a good season in the Adriatic League this year, as an 18 year old. On the other hand, I don’t know what it is that he does well enough to make it as an NBA starter.
12) ORL: Gary Harris – What they need here is a bruiser power forward to protect Nik Vucevic defensively. What they get is a really excellent sixth man to back up or play alongside Oladipo or Smart. Plus, he plays defense!!
13) MIN: Adreian Payne – A bit of a reach here, but there’s no way that they’re not going to lose Kevin Love. A power forward who has a nice overall game and can shoot the 3 is the best possible plug-in here.
14) PHO: Zach LaVine – He just seems like a Suns kinda guy to me. You know the book on LaVine: Otherwordly athleticism, raw as hell,  huge upside, massive bust potential. But the Suns have a whole bunch of first-rounders this year, and they can afford to swing for the fences with this pick, grabbing up a couple of safer guys later.

Obviously, I have done a huge amount of detailed scouting and statistical analysis (mostly involving reading DraftExpress and seeing the various arguments in LB’s comments section). More later when I feel better.


6 thoughts on “Tuchas Af’n Tisch: My NBA Mock Draft – Part 1, The Lottery

  1. I think this is a pretty decent idea of how the draft could go. Allow me for a second to say that while I get the idea of catching Randle’s fall and not being worried about his foot the idea of a Parker/Randle draft is kinda gross. I’m just not in love with that even a little bit. I guess they are both guys who project to score effectively or better at the NBA level and I suppose that the first Randle kickout from a double team for a Parker spot up three would be cool the idea of those two together defensively is not one I’m in love with. Just ew.

    I don’t think I could hate this draft if it happened because Parker is a gifted scorer and if Randle falls to ten he’s hard to pass up but man please don’t let this happen Hinkie/Basketball Gods. This has got to be way way down the list of optimal outcomes for this draft.

    • I hear what you’re saying, but I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m not a Parker guy, to begin with. And I would much prefer Gordon to fall, but I’m almost positive it’s not going to happen. If Randle is still on the board at 10 and none of the other Top 8 players are, you take Randle, no matter who you already got. Who else would you take? Gary Harris? Maybe Saric, but I still think you need to take Randle if he’s there over Saric.

      • Oh no, I think you’re absolutely right. You cannot let Randle fall any further than ten. Especially not the way the mock played out. There’s no better option than Randle there. I’m pretty sure that a Parker/Saric defensive pairing is worse than Parker/Randle anyways. Like I said, I can’t hate the draft if it played out like this because the Sixers would be getting two very talented (if flawed) players. It’s not worst case scenario but it’s sure as anything not best. Worst might be if you get Jabari and the best options at 10 are McBuckets/Saric/GarHar. That’s gross.

        I’d just feel a lot better if it was Wiggins/Exum and Randle and not just because I like those two better than Parker. Do you get some of that Cleveland thing where they took players that had overlapping positions/skills and it doesn’t mesh with this? I don’t know. I just hope the draft plays out differently than this or a trade up for Gordon or something.

      • Totally agree. Wiggins/Randle or Wiggins/Gordon would be so awesome I would personally carry Hinkie through the streets of Philly singing of his greatness 🙂

      • Oh man. MCW/Dinwiddie/Wiggins/Gordon/Noel is my dream. I can’t even talk about it without getting shivers. I just have no words for it. I’d be helping you out.

  2. This is a great mock draft, I think every pick is well explained, better than most I have seen! The only thing is I don’t think Utah would pass up Exum at 5, I think if he falls passed Orlando at 4, it’s extremely likely he goes next to Utah, they need a true upside player like him at the guard spot, Trey Burke is probably not going to get it done there long term.

    Sad for our Sixers though, I’m hoping against hope for Wiggins! I think you are right though, and the Bucks don’t pass him up. Parker is no slouch, but he ain’t gonna be all world.

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