I spend a lot of time ripping into people’s mock drafts. Probably way more time than I should, given that I have a fairly responsible job, but it makes me happy. But since this is true, I figure I should give everyone the opportunity to rip into my mock, in the interest of fairness.
Understand that this is very difficult for me to put out there, since it requires me to actually take a stand and tell the world who I like as players instead of just mocking them for their obviously shitty reasoning in liking who they like. Please note that I’m going to do this in two pieces, because I’m not feeling all that great and am too lazy to finish the whole round.
Without Further Ado…..(drum roll, please):
1) CLE: Joel Embiid – Because he’s the overall best prospect, plays a premium position, and could be really, really ridiculously good. Even the Cavs can’t fuck this one up.
2) MIL: Andrew Wiggins – Because he is the most likely to be a real legit superstar you can build a team around. He has that potential. When you suck as hard as the Bucks, that’s what you need.
3) PHL: Jabari Parker – Because God hates me. I can’t stand Parker, but he’s the Big Name left on the board, and even Sam Hinkie would be hard-pressed to pass him up at this point.
4) ORL: Marcus Smart – Best PG prospect out there. Terrible fit on PHL, because he’s exactly like Michael Carter-Williams, so the Magic get the guy who fills their biggest need and possibly the BPA (I don’t know….there are some really good guys still left on the board, but the people who like this guy are obsessed with him) at the same time. Cos, y’know, The Numbers Love Him!
5) UTA: Noah Vonleh – Nice player, nice fit with Derrick Favors, now that the Jazz brain trust has decided he’s a center, not a PF.
6) BOS: Aaron Gordon – Because, once again, God hates me.
7) LAL: Dante Exum – For the Good Of The League. The Lakers need a new, exciting young superstar to eventually replace Kobe. Exum has star potential, and the player he most frequently projects to? Yup. Kobe Bryant.
8) SAC: Nik Stauskas – Because the last thing the Kings need is yet another developmental power forward. A good shooting guard will do them a lot more good.
9) CHA: Doug McDermott – The most MJ pick of all. It’s inevitable. It’s…destiny.
10) PHL: Julius Randle – Sam Hinkie is clearly not afraid to draft an injured player with serious talent (see also: Noel, Nerlens). He wouldn’t be scared off by Randle’s foot injury. Questionable fit with Parker, particularly defensively, but probably way too talented to pass up on at this point.
11) DEN: Dario Saric – People love this guy. I mean love him. I’m not sure why. I get that he had a good season in the Adriatic League this year, as an 18 year old. On the other hand, I don’t know what it is that he does well enough to make it as an NBA starter.
12) ORL: Gary Harris – What they need here is a bruiser power forward to protect Nik Vucevic defensively. What they get is a really excellent sixth man to back up or play alongside Oladipo or Smart. Plus, he plays defense!!
13) MIN: Adreian Payne – A bit of a reach here, but there’s no way that they’re not going to lose Kevin Love. A power forward who has a nice overall game and can shoot the 3 is the best possible plug-in here.
14) PHO: Zach LaVine – He just seems like a Suns kinda guy to me. You know the book on LaVine: Otherwordly athleticism, raw as hell, huge upside, massive bust potential. But the Suns have a whole bunch of first-rounders this year, and they can afford to swing for the fences with this pick, grabbing up a couple of safer guys later.
Obviously, I have done a huge amount of detailed scouting and statistical analysis (mostly involving reading DraftExpress and seeing the various arguments in LB’s comments section). More later when I feel better.